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[Links:| Perfect Nothing Year of Desolatoin My Old Journal ]

(no subject) [Jan. 24th, 2005|12:44 am]
[mood |cynicalcynical]
[music |My own words]

~My Fate~

I would walk all the distance, i would swim the greatest sea
for you to look past my flaws, to look directly at me

in about a month, i'll cry cause things wont be right
you'll be a year older, and i'll be outa you life

every passing day, my heart grows weaker from pain
cause i know i fucked up, i treated it as a game

but i'll prove to you, that i'm here and still great
i will get you back, cause i know its my fate

i'd nail a crucifix on my back, and walk around town
shit i'd do it naked to get you to turn that frown upside down

throw on a crown of needles, make them dig deep into my soul
anything to prove to you that my body is now whole

there wasnt a day i didnt think about you, all the time it seems
that you were the best part of me, you showed me great things

but now you've forgotton about my feelings, love and heart
it kills me to know that, it feels like i'm falling apart

but no more running, i now see my goal with my eyes
i'll achive that bitch even if it causes my demise

i've been through hell, war and agony
the pain that i felt started a hudge blasphmous colamity

torn apart by the people i've grown to love and hate
but they wont stop me this time, cause i now see my fate

you may not see it now, but trust me, you will soon
cause i pray to god everyday, when i'm staring up at the moon

just the thought that your looking at the same place with me
makes my heart grow stronger, fonder, but you cant see

i made up my mind, i decided to give it another try
cause i swear to god i will be yours, even if it causes me to die

so take this to heart, let me try to advance
let me try with you again, please, just give me another chance

ok, i had to write that. i was bored and stuff. uhmmm, i'm doing ok i guess, just a little sad. i love you all, and i'm sorry that i wont be around for much longer, but who knows, maybe now i've found a reason to stay and be with you guys. who knows, all we can do is pray.....

One Luv

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oh my fucking god [Jan. 15th, 2005|02:15 pm]
[mood |ecstaticYAY!!!]
[music |my fingers on the keyboard]

the one word in my vocab that you only hear me say with a "i'm not" in front of it, has finally happened to me. and no, i'm not meaning gay, i mean happy. right now i am the happiest person on the face of this planet, and its all because of one night. i went to erics house for his b/day and i stayed the night. then the next day i found a number in my wallet and i didnt know who it was. well, i decided to pick up the phone and call it and holy fucking jeuses dude, its someone who i havent talked to in 4 months. i jumped for joy man, and i got directions, and cut out to Polo Run to go see this person. well, we get to talkin and shit and then we decided to walk up to shell gas station. this person bought me some smokes and we hung out with a dude named Will. well, this person looked at me and said "so, your gonna stay right?" and i was like "sure, if you want me too" so i stay the night. well, that isnt what topped it off for me. when we went to bed, just the feeling of wraping my arms around a female and going to sleep knowing that the person next to me is gonna still be there when i wake up is the best feeling anyone could give me. expecially when i like this person. so yeah, i am sooooo fucking happy. i have to call her tomorrow and i may go and see her. i'll just prolly stop by her house when i get my hair cut. YES, i am getting my hair cut. no dreds for me. i'll do that later when i actually have no money for a haircut and i'm forced to let it grow. my music career is doing great. like i said, demo comes out very soon. but i gotz to go, my DL's are done and i wanna watch them. later.

One Luv

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music is truely my passion... [Jan. 9th, 2005|08:30 am]
[mood |calmcalm]
[music |Group Rehab - Group Rehab]

hi peeps, whats up? I'm updating...finally. Man, x-mas is over, and so is wating around for something to happen with my music. I decided to kick it a nickle and start shit for myself. My demo comes out REALLL soon. I'm recording it now. I am also moving to ohio i think to go record with a group called Group Rehab. I know one of the members, and he said he'd help me record and shit. Ya know, i noticed something. I got this journal and i started lookin through my enteries, and MAN, what bullshit. I had faith in someone who didnt have faith in me, and that really sucks. But oh well, she's gone. anyyyways, back to my music stuff. Yeah, i'm going to be entering the Gathering of the Juggalos's MC Contest this year. Hopes to win, but not to big of hopes. Well, i love you all. You guys as my friends are my life, my soul, and my heart. Without you, i would be dead. Love me.

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Just another year [Dec. 25th, 2004|10:23 am]
[mood |i hate christmas]
[music |None]

Christmis is another opportunity to let me down. I didnt ask but for one thing. I didnt get that one thing. Its ok though, i'm used to it. Been like this for the past four years. Me, waking up, then getting disappointed. I hate it, i seriously do. I cant do anything about it, cause well, i'm useless like that. Maybe next year....maybe next year..... Oh, by the way, the ONLY thing i asked for this christmas, was for my family not to fight. For us all to be happy. For us all to sit together at dinner, and not in seperate rooms, hateing eachother. I even asked the santa at the mall. He told me "oh, i promise you will get that this year...trust me". How sad am i. By the way, tell me to kill that fucker next year, cause he lied to me about something BIG. I even wrote it on my x-mas list and circled it and put starts around it with arrows pointing to it. Did i get it, no. I tell you what i did get though. I got an announcement that my parents are getting a divorce. HAPPY HAPPY!!!!, yeah right......fuck this holiday. I hate it. Fuck you, i prolly hate you too. But, i'm done pissing and moaning. Have a merry mutha fucking christmas, and have a fucked up, new year.

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I look around, and i see change [Dec. 21st, 2004|10:38 am]
[mood |Fuck this world.]
[music |Nothing]

Wow, cant believe its only 4 days till the holiday i hate the most. But enough of that. I look around and all i ever see is change anymore. People are changeing, and i fucking hate the fuck outa it like a mutha fucking crackhead whose crack got taken away from him. I thought i knew somebody, and then they changed very much, and it makes me wanna fucking cry. No names, but trust me...they will know soon. Untill them, fuck them, fuck everyone. Fuck indiana, fuck greenwood, and especially....FUCK YOU PERSON WHO HAS CHANGED!!!! Leave a comment, make me happy.

"it has happened, i'm going out with a frown/ Puggy is now gone....gone without a sound...." R.I.P - Puggy the Penguin Puggmonster Door.

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I Should of Guess my Time Was Over [Oct. 30th, 2004|07:07 pm]
[mood |gloomygloomy]
[music |Dark Lotus - Call Upon Your Gods]

Wud up y'all. I am haveing a horrible night. I fucking hate this family. I swear, i'mma snap and kill everyone in this family. I dont get to go to Dent-O-Ween and that sucks hardcore. I wanted to see Sabrina for the first time in ever tonight, but noooooooo, Puggy never gets what he wants. I went to the ICP concert thursday and it was killer. I had a great time. During ABK's set, i croud surfed and well, the guards dropped me on a metal bar that was helping hold the stage up. Well, it kinda knocked me out for the rest of ABK's set and Mack-10's set. I was pissed when i woke up. Made me wanna kill someone. I found one of the guys from the Filthee Immigrants, and he was cool as fuck. He told me that if i would like to do a song with them, then i could, but i have to throw up my part of the payment for the studio. Were gonna call the song "West Meets East" and its gonna rule ass. So look for it. I'm soooo sad right now. I've been thinking about Sabrina for a long time now, and its finally gotten to me. I'm still holding on strong, but i think its finally cought up with me. I let the idea go that were gonna give this anouther shot a long time ago, but i cant help but feel sad. I think what got to me was the memory of the night where we walked home from her friends house. We held hands the whole way home and she just....kept smileing. And it seemed like we never let go of eachothers hand. That was the happiest night of my life so far. I just wish i could go back in time and keep re-liveing those days over and over again for the rest of my life. That would be something. -sigh-. grrrrr, i gotta get over this shit. I keep makeing myself sad and i need to stop damnit. I know, any girls out there wanna fuck a scrub? That would get my mind off of things for a minute or so. But hey, i'm done bitching. I love you all. Love me.


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Flows and Studios [Oct. 26th, 2004|03:26 am]
[mood |artisticartistic]
[music |Atreyu - Lip Gloss and Black]

Oh my god, its been a minute since i've updated. Shit. I dont know where to start. Well, lets start on my love life, cause thats been the topic for the past 6 months. Hah, i'm pathetic. Well, i have no love life, cause well, i suck and i'm not worth haveing one. But seriously, still no luck on the "Lets Find Puggy a Girlfriend" game show. I've looked, and i've actually found, but no luck yet. I have to call this chick up and set something up with her. She's really fucking cool. Guess where i met her at....The Emerson. I just realized that. Wow, how weird is that. Is that the only place where chicks want me? Oh well, if thats the case, i'mma set up a bed and live there from now on. Hahaha. Guess what ya'll. The Pugster is moveing in 4 days. Thats right, four days. I'm not letting that info go on where i'm moveing to, just realize that i'm moveing away. The only thing i will let slip is that well, i'm not moveing outa state. So be happy ya'll fuckers. Uhmmmm....i'm a rapper now. Hahaha, thats right, Puggy is now a rapper, fo' shizzle. I plan on getting in the studio some time next month. I already wrote 3 songs with beats, so thats happy. I'm actually really good cause well, my next door neighbor had his cousin come over and listen to me. And his cousin owns a studio. And well, i guess his jaw dropped when he heard me busting out my raps. So for me being so good, i get to record a demo for free, and a CD for half price. So boo-yah. If you guys want a copy of my demo when i'm done, then just hit me up on AIM or Yahoo (inflamesphreak), and i'll prolly send you one if your lucky. Oh, the house i'm moveing in, is fucking awesome. I get a big room finally and i wont have to sleep in the liveingroom (which i have been doing for the past 3 months). "WHEN ITS YOUR TIME, DEATH IS NEAR, STEP RIGT UP ON OVER HERE. GAMES, PRIZES, SHOWS, AND RIDES, ITS THE CARNIVAL PARADICE!!!". Whoop whoop. Thats right, just 2 more days till the Dark Carnival comes and rocks our shit with their wicked clowns, and horrifying freak shows. Tomorrow i'm going to braddens to spend the night, and thats going to rock hardcore. Then were leaving out at like, 12 to head on up to the concert and buy some Faygo and shit like that. Gonna be a blast. I plan on going back to stans house when the concert is over, but who knows. If you guys dont like ICP, then get your asses to the Emerson Theater the 28 to see Atreyu. Thats right, Atreyu is gonna be rocking our shit at the Emerson Theater. Be there, or at the ICP concert, just be somewhere. Well, if ANY of you people love me, give me at call by friday, at 317*786-2660. Its always good to hear familiar voices. But for now, i gotz to go. I love all but one person....and this person doesnt know it yet, but my heart is hateing them right now. If you read this by the 30, then you can figure it out, and it will be confirmed on that date. I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!!! Ok, now, i'm outa here. Later fucker. Love me.


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A pretty good day [Oct. 9th, 2004|01:18 am]
[mood |energeticenergetic]

Hello kids, welcome to anouther episode of "My Fucked up Days!". YAY! Today wasnt soo fucked up though. I finally got to see Sabrina for like....omg, a big...a big...a big!....3 minutes! YAY!!! no. I had to go meet her at the Pantry on Eplar so i could give her shirt back to her. The pN shirt. I almost didnt tell her that i had it though. I know this is extrememly, and let me say it again, EXTREMELY!, stupid, but i wanted to keep it cause i was the one who was suppossed to watch it while she went and fucked off the first night i met her. Yeah, i wanted to keep it cause it reminds me of the night i first met her. Go on, laugh it up you bastards. I dont care, i know i'm weird, but fuck dude, i'm really normal. Like....(cant think of anything else to say about that)
Yeah, i have a feeling her new dude thing was pissed or something cause he didnt say hi to me, he just sat in his car throwing glances at me while pretending to be jerking off on his phone. That kinda pissed me off, but made things better all the same. At least i didnt have to have some dude i dont know telling me what i've heard all my fucking life, "dude, look at you, your to young for this type of activity(sabrina), so get the fuck away". -sigh-, man, i'm posative. Guess what kids, Jason is really short. I thought he was short before i even got up to the car, only to realize that he had his feet on the dash, so he's shorter than what i thought, haha. Uhmmm...whats todays date (goes and checks, be back in a min...-elevator version of Alice Coopers "Poison" plays in background while he is away)..........ahhh, yes, the 9th of October. Just 20 more days till the wicked shit drops by to visit Indiana. Thats right kiddy's, just 20 more days till the infamous Insane Clown Posse comes to Bumb Fuck Egypt with Anybody Killa, Mack 10, and Esham. Should be fun. I guess i'm going to Dent-O-Ween now. Should be fun to see Jason try and suck face with Sabrina to prove a point that needs no proveing to be done. I just plan on going up to them, saying hi to Sabrina, giveing her a hug, and fucking sticking my tongue down her throat and looking at Jason afterwards and saying "HAHA, YOU SHORT BASTARD. TAKE THAT SHIT IN THE ASS. HEY, HEY! DID YOU KNOW YOU COULD SUCK MY DICK STANDING UP!?!?" Hahahaha. Not really. I do plan on hugging her and then leaving her with Jason though. I dont wanna start shit. She seems really happy (seems, not official) and i dont wanna fuck that up for her. I do love her, and i'm willing to let go to make her happy. I think thats what Aaron didnt do that i'm doing. Letting it go. Who knows, maybe next year, ya know, when bats fly outa my ass, we'll be able to date again. So i dunno. I'm really in a weird mood right now. I'm actually laughing at what i say. How weird. Hey guys, i have a present for ya'll...ready for it....you sure...well here it is kids...(opens a box with a letter, opens it, and reads) Dear All, If i dont see you guys at Dent-O-Ween, i'll personally kick your balls, or vagina overies, into your fucking neck. Love, Puggy. Haha, ther it is, enjoy. Cause well, Dent-O-Ween is going to fucking kick dude. I hope i'm entertainging ya'll tonight. I'm entertaining myself. And if you cant tell, i'm in the best mood that i've been in for a while now. Its almost like me and sabrina are dateing again. -shrugs-. I just hope i'm like this when i wake up, cause i plan on going to the mall. Oh, this may be the last entry for a while. I know, dont be pissed. I just have to pack my shit so i can move. Thats right, puggy is finally moveing. To where? Mexico. Yes, i'm moveing to mexico next month. I hope ya'll will miss me. I will miss you. But i'm outa here...love me.


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(no subject) [Oct. 4th, 2004|08:04 pm]
[mood |blahblah]
[music |Darkness - Come and Get Me]

So yeah, i forgot to call Brina last night, and that made me upset. I thought that she would be gone and that we wouldnt talk for like, a month or some shit but i guess she's moveing on thursday, so i still have my chance. Yay, i guess. I feel it slipping, but i'm still holding on as hard as my little body will let me. Please dont slip for me, i need you. I guess i'm moveing like...next month or something. I dunno. I have to pay a hundred dollars rent, and i get a basement room thats like, the size of the house. So thats going to kick my balls. I have a job interview tomorrow, so i'm excited. My life is really looking up for me. THe thing that i want the most is the thing that i have to work on last. I just hope that i'm not late on trying to get it, cause that would suck and make me sad. Stan and i have been hanging out for a couple of days. Its been fun i guess. I got to see Bradden, so that makes me happy. I like Bradden, he's one of my really good friends. I'm also going tomorrow to get the I.C.P tickets. Me and stan are, so thats happy. Sabrina, if your reading this, i just want you to know, i'll be able to come and visit you in about...two weeks. We need to see eachother, cause well....we have a lot of shit to talk about. I just hope you can fit me in your busy schedule. Thats not a smart ass comment either, cause you seriously are busy now a days. haha. Anyways, i love you all. Love me, please.


"Just, not enough, i need more
Nothing seems to satisfy, i said
I dont want it, i just need it
To breath, to feel, to know i'm alive
Finger deep within the borderline
Show me that you love me and that we belong together
Relax, turn around and take my hand..."
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(no subject) [Sep. 30th, 2004|02:19 am]
[mood |blahblah]
[music |Tool - Stinkfist]

Well, its finally over. All my cutting demons are finally gone. I went to my special teddy bear and took off the hemp necklass with the razor in it. I threw it away and i breathed a sigh of relief. All my demons are gone, finally. Now, i just have to work on my people skills. I am going to have to do something that is going to hurt some people, and i'm sorry for those people, but it must be done. I am doing this because well....i have to get myself in order before i come back around. And i mean this, COMPLETELY in order. This is the only way that will keep me from breaking down and going insane. No offense. But yes, this is also a step for me to see how well i can react with only one person around. I would love it to be two people around, but the whole girl thing isnt going to well for me right now. When i was talking to Sabrina online today i was typeing something after i said "later" and somone poped up and started talking to me so i couldnt finish what i was going to say to her. I think she got pissed because i seemed like i was pissed or something. But know this, i wasnt, and i'm sorry. Anyways, back to what i was saying. Below is a short list of people who i am staying away from till i get my shit together. I'm sooo sorry. But it must be done.

All the mallrats
Bobbi, and everyone else but stan and sabrina

So yeah, you guys can either hate me, or respect what i'm doing. Which you choose will truely decide if your a true friend or not. I must call sabrina by friday, cause she's moveing and she wont have a phone so i wont get to talk to her. So yeah, i must go, i'm sorry for those people on the list, but as i said, this is to get my shit together, and i wont be bothered by anyone. I love you all. Love me.


I'm thinking of you more than ever
Please come back to me and make my dreams come true
I beg you for this one thing, please, grant me my wish
I swear, i'm not the same as everyone else
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